Supermom Help!  Today was the first day of school, and I forgot to post a picture of my kids on Facebook!  My newsfeed is full of smiling faces of little people in uniforms, and now my friends think I don’t love my kids!

Lack of Documentation

 

sauthor  Dear PhotoNoNo

I can only assume that the little people in uniforms are your friends’ children attending parochial school and not because you have “Liked” the Leavenworth’s Yard’s Page. Although, I am also a little disappointed if that’s the case because I think a few snaps of inmates smiling and waving through the electric fence might be just what our day needs, don’t you think? Do they still make license plates in prison? Wouldn’t it be cool if they put a picture of the person who made your plate and what they are serving time for on the back?

“Your customized license plate that reads ‘2CUTE4U’ was made by Missy Westhaven. Missy was a privileged trust fund darling who was president of the debate club at Smith. She had had enough of her husband’s philandering and stabbed him in the neck with the heel of her Manolo Blahniks (the really cute red pair. Because they were red, they are still wearable once they are released from evidence – Missy always was resourceful.) Missy is serving out her 17 year sentence by studying law and motorcycle husbandry because Missy thinks its time to marry a bad boy and really stick it to Mums and Daddy.”

Since I also can be faulted for forgetting to snap shots on the FDoS (First Day of School), I asked Gigi what she thinks we should do. However, she could understand the question and kept asking “but why wouldn’t you take pictures on the first day of school? This is the first day of school, Supermom – how many of those are they going to have?” At least 12 for each, right? That gives me a little wiggle room, I should think.

I asked Dawn but she was no help. The only photos she takes on the FDoS are the accidental ones of her nostril when she is trying to call me to sing, “Where Have All the Children Gone?” to which she adds the line “FAR AWAY FROM ME!!!!”

I called my friend Angie who had one blurry shot posted on her Facebook page but the general consensus is that Angie is a really good mom. I asked her how this could be with her poor showing on social media. She says it’s all about one thing:

Damage Control.

Angie has a few tips for you on this front. First of all, get your excuses in line. They can’t have anything to do with a job because any parent who actually loves their kids would have arranged in advance to take the day prior, the day of and the day after off to make sure the children were “properly ingrained into their school experience.” So you can’t blame a meeting; but you can blame emotions. Apparently, if you are too distraught at how quickly your little Turnpike Turner is growing up, and thus, were not able to bear to post the FDoS photos until a week later, you actually end up coming out ahead of your friends on the “I Love My Kid More” front. Make sure you have something really poetic to write about your emotions. As a matter of fact, an actual poet’s quote would serve you tenfold here.

Depending on how fancy your school is you could blame the photographer. Say the professional you hired had a quarrel with his lighting person and they were not able to get “the shots” that met either of your satisfaction. This way, you can sneer a little when you say to your friends “Oh, you take your own photos for FDoS? Hmmm, that’s sweet. Mr. Turner and I kind of think FDoS is important, though,” which will cause them to spend a lot of time questioning their value system afterwards – that’s just kind of a bonus.

Lastly, in this day of environmental awareness – recycle. Pull up a photo from years past and post that saying “as Turnpike enters the (whatever) grade, lets remember what it was like when they started their journey into (whatever) grade. So many memories – so many more to make… “ (the ellipses alert the person to how profound your thoughts really are.)

And if all else fails – blame the other parent, “I was in charge of making the organic, politically profound, macrobiotic lunches designed to depict scenes from Shakespearean tragedies. Guess who was in charge of photos???? Sorry guys!!!!”

Always,

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Thank you to Loretta B. from Tulsa, OK for the email. If you would like to contact Supermom email her at AskSupermom@PlacedePlume.com

 

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