Dear Supermom

I have the same problem as Tahiti last week – my husband is calling the children’s Winter Break my vacation – and I took your advice but none of it worked.  Not only is my husband still alive, but he also thought ‘buying spices’ was a double entendre and now he’s taken to wearing a Noel Coward dressing gown and calling me “doll.”  Honestly, this “vacation” is going to put me in the ground instead.

Passport Revoked

 sauthorDear Roxie Hart

This is a tricky one.  I checked with my friend who is a lawyer and, although she is still looking into it, she says she cannot find this under justifiable homicide. You don’t want to go to jail for killing him because then your mother will call your sentence a “vacation” and you won’t even have the means to take her out while in there.

My friend Gigi suggested maybe trying to pretend like it really is a “vacation” might make it seem like one.  Since it is week three of my “vacation,” I was desperate to try anything.

When I go on vacation –a real one – every thing seems so different, so I thought I would try to do as much as possible that was different from our normal routine.   The first thing we did was get dressed and arrived to school on time. It was still closed for break but it felt good to check that off the Bucket List, you know?

After the school drop, we went to the water purification plant. You know how spas use the words “water” and “purify” a lot?  This will forever taint your view of those cleanses so I am not sure you want to put this at the top of your “itinerary.” We decided to indulge in some foreign cuisine by going to the Laundromat for lunch where I had Bromide Flakes and the kids had some fabric softener for dessert.  The kids complained the entire time; this really was beginning to feel like vacation. Sightseeing seemed in order so I drove past the landfill outside town.  That captivated the kids seeing as how it resembled their rooms “back home.”  We stopped and bought some souvenirs; I think one used to be a hubcap.  Back in the car, the kids bickered about whose was better and whether or not this was the dumbest thing Mom had come up with to date; I was positively transported by the realism.  I wanted to take in some local culture on our “vacation” so I took them to a strip club.  A lovely docent named Tingles took us under her wing – literally.  Logan was transfixed for the rest of the afternoon.

About this time, my neighbor called asking where his car was and what the signed piece of paper with “Rental Agreement” written in crayon was all about.  The kids were practicing speaking in their foreign language at the top of their lungs and I could barely hear the phone.  I asked Nate to help out and since he wasn’t in the car at the time, he helped about as much as he usually does when we travel.

Returning to our hotel, which is this case, was Nate’s office, we all plunked down beat from our incredible “vacation.”  I told Nate to order room service, as I was too tired to go out.  I lay on his desk reading a magazine until his 4 o’clock appointment left his office and we could spend time as a family. I slept terribly that night because you know how strange it is to wake up not in your bed – and on a stapler.  When Nate woke, I asked him how he was enjoying our “vacation” and he reminded me he was still at work.  I felt terrible that he wasn’t getting to relax like me.  Surely he just needed a mental shift as well so I grabbed the cleaning person’s bucket and dumped the contents on his head.

We have already booked a package in Hawaii for next Christmas.  Aloha!

Always,

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Thank you to Kara S. from Boston, MA  for the email.  If you would like to write to Supermom, email her at AskSupermom@placedeplume.com or click the button below:

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