Dear Supermom,

My daughter’s friends always come over to my house but they never invite her to theirs.  I want her to play with friends but if I have to sit at one more imaginary tea party that includes chewing on plastic cake and talking to a stuffed Kangaroo, I will lose my mind!

Help Me

Samantha Adams


sauthor  Dear Sam Adams

First of all, the trick with the plastic cake is just like your sister-in-laws spinach casserole, feed it to the dog when your petite hostesses are not looking.

However, your main problem is supervision; you clearly are doing way too much of it.  Make your daughter absolutely indispensable to her little clique by stuffing her pockets with cookies and packets of powdered cola.  If she randomly passes out coins and stickers, you’ve hedged your bets.  When her friends ask, nay, demand to play with your precious princess, invite them over and employ these effective tactics:

1)    Leave as many empty bottles around as possible.  They don’t necessarily have to be old alcohol bottles; kids are never that specific in reporting these things.

2)    Let them use all your makeup in one beauty session and pick up a few tube tops and short-shorts from the thrift store that they can dress in and wear home.  A pair of heels is especially helpful if they are under the age of 10.

3)    Hide every time you here them call for you.

4)    For good measure, get a discarded department store mannequin, dress it in a bathrobe and wig and keep it in the center of the living room.  Occasionally refer to it as “mom” and asks if it needs another chicken pot pie or refresh of “ice tea” (do the air quote thing when you ask.)  Place a spent cigarette in its fingers.

All of this, when reported back to the children’s parents, will ensure they will never cross your threshold again. Never fear, your daughter has established herself as their sugar-pusher, which means little Bipsy will be holding her breath until your darling is brought for a play-dealie.

Additional Note – that mannequin trick is fairly effective at lowering the amount of PTO/PTA mixers you have to host as well.



Thank you to Samantha A.  from Berryville, VA for the email.  If you would like to write to Supermom, email her at or click the button below: