With all of the holiday festivities I am finally getting out of the house and going to parties with grown ups. I have been waiting for this since I gave birth. Small problem, though: apparently I have forgotten how to speak to grown-ups. I know I watch the news and follow current events, so how is it I cannot discuss anything that has happened outside of a park environment? And while you are at it, could you find my real vocabulary because I am fairly certain the CEO to whom I was speaking the other night was not excusing herself to go “tinkle.”
Where Did My Brain Go?
I hear you, sister (I assume since you did specify you gave birth.) I realize now that I should have used some of that money I spent on tuition to shove in my ears to keep the knowledge it paid for from spilling out. I think the most intellectual discussion I have had in the past year was with the lady in front of me at the grocery store on the “Who Wore It Better” cover of some tabloid (hint, they all looked terrible.)
I went to a book club recently to discuss a book that I had re-read just for this club. The first time forty times I read it was for my senior thesis, I was fairly confident going into the evening. However, somehow, in the book club discussion, I misidentified a secondary character’s story arc with the antagonist of “Zippy the Plane Soars High.”
At the last PTO meeting, I stayed behind to talk to the other parents and somehow, although the topic had started off as the best method for agricultural sustainment, we ended up discussing which Pretty Party Pal had the brown hair and came with a scooter; and I didn’t know the answer to either.
I do have a friend that gets invited back to people’s homes, though, so I thought I would ask what her secret was. She says that her tactic is to load up a plate of food and get a drink the minute she enters a party. For the next 3 hours, every time a point is made or a set of eyes lands on her, she alternates between shoving food in her mouth while pointing emphatically and nodding aggressively as she takes a drink. She says she is considered an authority on every subject from the restrictive dietary options of an anteater to the decline of the Peruvian rainforest – and this is a woman who once said Peru was the capital of Mexico. The downside is she can no longer fit into any of her jeans.
The good news is that in a few years your kids will be in school and you can start introducing what they are learning about into conversations. For instance, the woman on the bus next to me the other day was fascinated with how a bat finds his way out of a cave… and don’t think that was an easy one to drop into our discussion on hand sanitizer.
So until you get your Scholastic Book Club orders filled, I would stick with talking to furniture for now.
Thank you to Deborah V. from Durango, CO. for the email. If you would like to write to Supermom, email her at AskSupermom@placedeplume.com or click the button below: