Hi. How are you today? I am fine, thank you. It is still pretty cold outside but I cannot wait until I can go outside and play.
My mom told me I had to write you. She says there are police who will come and make me wear footie pajamas to school if I don’t clean up my room. Is this true or is she teasing me? I don’t think my room is that messy and it is much easier for me to see everything on my floor. I also do not understand why I should put everything away when I am just going to take stuff out again. If I need to unmake my bed every night, why should I make it in the morning? That’s just extra work.
Also, my mom says that Snickers bars are not a good dinner but I think they are. They teach the food pyramid in school and peanuts are protein, milk is dairy and chocolate comes from a plant. Plus the caramel looks like it comes from something I should eat. Is my mom wrong about this too?
Can you tell me what the tooth fairy actually pays for teeth? And what does she do with them? Will I grow an apple tree in my belly if I swallow the seed? Does my floor turn to lava when I am in bed at night?
Thank you for answering my questions. I look forward to hearing from you.
Your friend M.E.
It is very nice to hear from you as well. High marks on your letter writing ability. Let’s see if I can’t answer these for you:
I think the Tooth Fairy is paying on a sliding scale based on age, quantity in a set number of days and quality of product. If you don’t know what that means, let’s say a quarter a tooth – if you are getting anything over that, it is due to the generosity of your parents (and tell you mother I said “you’re welcome”) As for what she does with them, I think she polishes them and turns them into stars to watch over you every night.
There are no known cases of trees sprouting from children’s stomach but I believe it is possible. Did you ever eat dirt when you were a baby? Then it has something to use as a foundation. I think you should focus more on the positives of having an apple tree sprouting from your ears – snacks are always available. Any word problem involving apples become suddenly easier. Birds will land on your head and sing. Buying hats will become tricky but I think that is a small price to pay for growing an actual tree inside you. (Do NOT tie a rope swing to the branches; it is only inviting trouble.)
As for your room, although your logic is solid, no, you have to clean your room. I know the police of whom your mother speaks and they are fairly persistent. As a matter of fact, I think they are the ones who turn your floor into lava and should be avoided at all costs. Clean your room, seriously – I know you can’t wrap your head around it but if you want your mom to stop grabbing her head and repeatedly ask the question “why?!?”, clean your room. Just do it, I promise you life will improve. Please, just clean your room.
The Snickers bit is not accurate. I believe what you are thinking of is chocolate cake and that has been approved by a real life doctor – Dr. Bill Cosby – so you should be fine there.
thank you to M.E. from Kalispell, MT for such a beautifully written letter. If you would like to write to Supermom, email her at AskSupermom@placedeplume.com or click the button below: