Dear Supermom – my kids are off school for the next three weeks, and my husband keeps suggesting it’s a vacation. How best should I kill him?
Should be in Tahiti
I have more answers than I do space to print them for this one. Every person I asked for advice had answers; some even had typed notes color-categorized by ease of clean up and which could be fit in between shoe shopping and a manicure. Some of the best suggestions I got were these:
The easiest method seems to be to hide the television remote on the floor of the kids’ room. If your husband is barefoot and your child plays with Legos, he will reel in pain and be taken out by the colander that is inexplicably tied to the ceiling fan in no time. In the absence of the foot shredding blocks, any of the myriad obstacles should trip him and since children randomly move their furniture around, he won’t have any control of going down and that book shelf sitting atop the bed should give you the assist you need.
Another method that really appealed to me: send him to the grocery store with a detailed list for several items he didn’t know existed (like dryer sheets.) Add a plethora of spices but do not write down in what form (ground, flakes, whole, etc.) And tell him he needs to take the children. Between his astonishment that more than one choice is available for each item, the children screeching and leaving destruction in their wake (he has no idea that can be quelled with the promise of a bag of Haribo) and the fact that the store is not laid out the way he would have it (of course the paper towels should be next to the sodas. When you spill a soda, what do you use to clean it up?) he should simply just lose the will to live. The plus to this on is, if it does not succeed in killing him, you still get both an hour away from the children AND the weekly shopping done so it will be a little like a vacation.
The last one I will post for today is the quickest: go buy those gorgeous Ferragamo harnessed riders you have been yearning for then go home and tell your husband how much they cost. Problem solved and in fabulous footwear to boot (hee)!
thanks to F. Amina from Essex, England for the question. If you would like to write to Supermom, email her at AskSupermom@placedeplume.com or click the button below: